As a stay at home dad, I’ve spent the past ten years defying culture’s supposed gender norms. I’ve washed and folded my wife’s laundry more times than I can count, and I stay in shape by vacuuming. Which makes me the perfect candidate to talk about gender inequality, right? (If you’re a man nodding “yes,” please reconsider the up and down motion you’re making with your head). No, I’m not the perfect candidate because when it comes to gender inequality, those of us in the oppressor position, i.e. men, can’t claim to be experts on the thoughts and feelings of the oppressed, i.e. women. (Pro-tip: don’t be a “mansplainer”). Instead, it’s best we own up to the roles we’ve played in adding to women’s oppression and learn to be their support. But while I’m not the perfect candidate, I have learned, by being a stay at home dad, the joy that comes when I fade to the shadows and let my wife take the spotlight - a spotlight she’s entitled to.

*Greg (above) and his wife Carla (below)*

I don’t know the statistics, but if you asked how many of the countries in the world oppress women, I’d say all of them. Even in developed Western countries, women still face a wage-gap disparity, are overlooked for jobs, are viewed as objects of pleasure, and so much more. The recent #metoo movement shows just how empowered men feel in taking advantage of women.

And if it’s like that in the Western world, how much more in the developing world? Women facing poverty in Kenya are often forced to quit school for physical and economic reasons while their male counterparts go on to finish. With no education and little skill-set, they risk being sold into child marriage or forced into prostitution to provide for their families. Some become casual laborers and are left exposed and vulnerable to the men in positions of power over them. They’re taken advantage of, viewed as less than, and overlooked.

But we have the ability to change that. I recently spent time with the Neema staff and a board member rethinking and rewriting our Mission, Vision, and Values. Don’t worry, we’re still the same Neema you’ve always loved and supported. But we felt the language needed to be updated to clearly reflect what we’ve been doing, are doing, and want to do. And it’s the “want to do” - the vision - that gets me excited. The updated vision of Neema is this: Neema sees a future where opportunity is unleashed for young women throughout Eastern Africa - oppressive systems of gender inequality are changed, the cycle of extreme poverty is broken, and hearts are restored and transformed. What a beautiful picture to rally around! Old systems broken. Restoration and transformation. Opportunity unleashed. Isn’t that something we all should want, including men?

As a stay at home dad, I’ve had the opportunity to support my wife and watch her flourish as the bread-winner of our family. (And before there are any notions that I “sacrificed that role” for her sake - in a vain attempt to once again put the man in the spotlight - let me assure you that’s not the case). Over the past ten years, I’ve come to love the role I have as my wife’s number one cheerleader. I love being in the stands while she’s in the game. I take joy in getting up early to paint my face and construct a hand-drawn sign so she knows there’s someone on the sidelines routing her on. I cherish celebrating her accomplishments as if they were my own. In fact, it’s my favorite part of being a stay at home dad. And as a man, isn’t that one of the best things I can do to help break the systems of gender inequality that plague the world? Not be the expert with all the answers, but come alongside and cheer women on? Not act the superior, but be the supporter?

Enoch, Neema’s kitchen manager, is one such man. Enoch shows up every day to the Neema school on his red dirt bike/motorcycle hybrid...even if it’s raining. Working with open fire ovens in a sweat-inducing tin hut, Enoch preps, cooks, and serves the young women of Neema and the female staff breakfast, lunch, and snack. He’s the only male staff member on school grounds, and I’ve never seen him without a smile. At Neema, Enoch takes a backseat role and serves the women so they can become all they were created to be, so they can learn to thrive. He even opened his own tailoring shop and currently has a Neema graduate running it. And did I mention he’s raising three daughters of his own? Enoch has learned the secret of playing a supporting role. He understands how to come under rather than lord over. He knows what it means to love his female neighbor as himself. And it’s because of men like him that Neema’s vision will one day be realized.

We need more selfless men like Enoch who are content being in the stands cheering, rather than being the coach or on the opposing team, as the young women of Eastern Africa take the field. And we need selfless men in the Western World who are willing to do the same. Because the vision for Neema isn’t just an Eastern Africa vision, it’s a worldwide vision. And we all have a role to play to see the systems of gender inequality forever changed. As a man, don’t be a woman’s superior, be her supporter.

Reenvisioning our Vision